Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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