Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
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My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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