i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
