when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
