Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
