i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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