I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
