Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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