You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
