The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
