i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
