this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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