she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
