I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
