I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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