They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
