and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
