Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
