Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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