Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
