LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
