I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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