I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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