just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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