if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
