I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
