you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
