It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
