Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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