Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
ttyl tear gas
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
