the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
