So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
