So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
