So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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