Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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