so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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