Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
