Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize