brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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