I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
