Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
