hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
