All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
