I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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