wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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