The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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