Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
