if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
