She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize