but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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