i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
