i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
