I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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