i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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