I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
