the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
