making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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