the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
